I have gone to ground for the past month as I prepare for my very first live booth event! About a month ago I got the opportunity to participate in a one day outdoor event- and I leapt at the chance. Let me clarify this by stating that I leapt into it the same way I leap into a body of water knowing it will be cold. I held my breath and it felt a little as though I had stepped off a ledge when I clicked the “send” button.
It sounds foolish when I say that aloud. I can list hundreds of intimidating things I have embraced in my life- years on the stage, entering a strange high-school as a young substitute teacher time and again, teaching, earning my Shotokan brown belt, competing in karate tournaments, and birthing two babies. These are scary experiences, especially to the uninitiated. So I had to turn inward to ask “why the hesitation”?
Was I scared that I couldn’t “do it”? Nonsense. Like anything else, the act of showing up is a simple mechanical process of putting one foot in front of the other. And while the list of things I must accomplish in four weeks to prepare was long, by simply doing one thing and then moving on to the next, I knew it was manageable. So this could not be the cause of my faltering.
Was I afraid of what others would say or think? Sadly, there was a little truth in this. My HEAD knows my family and friends will encourage me and want me to do well. But there remains a small but VOCAL demon within that shouts at me. “They will think you are a delusional child. They are just patronizing you. They know that when you fall on your face you will give up this stupid charade and move on.” Insert the maniacal laugh of your choosing here.
But the fear of looking like the fool to my family was not the only thing holding me back. There was still something else- and I knew it was my fear of complete failure. What if NO ONE stopped at my booth? What if no one bought any of my art? What if I have been wasting my time? And that is where I stopped myself.
I had let something get in the way of my joy. When I sit down and create it comes from a place of joy, every time. I cannot think of a single time I have created from a space of sadness, loneliness, or anger. I admire artists who can harvest these raw emotions and the artists who use their canvas to expose the evils of the world and push for change. But my art journey thus far has remained an expression of joy, admiration, and awe. Allowing the fear of judgement into the arena ties my hands. How can I mine the joy if I am only concerned with how many people are following my Instagram, reading this blog, or liking my FB posts?
So I purposely set aside the social media and the paint. I picked up my pencil and sketchbook, I enrolled in some new online classes, and I immersed myself in the process of simply creating and learning. I LOVE learning. I am not the fastest learner and my retention sucks- but I love expanding my horizons. I have submitted to notion that whatever happens on May 8th, it does not determine my relationship to art. Only I can affect that. And if I crash and burn on May 8th, my family will not see a failure, but a woman who is committed, determined, and persistent. And I can think of no better lesson for my children.
I am still a little nervous about May 8, but I am a body in motion and I am hurtling towards May 8th with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. I am looking forward to seeing people and introducing my creative efforts to them. If you live in Tulsa and feel safe venturing out, I hope you will stop by my booth and say “Hello”. For information, check out this link- https://saltandsoulmarket.com/birthday-bash/.
The event is the Salt & Soul Birthday Bash and it will be at the Broken Arrow Brewing Company May 8 from 3pm-8pm. If you are still unfamiliar with Salt&Soul it is an online market featuring Oklahoma vendors. I have a shop there and after May 8 I will be loading new items into my shop as Salt&Soul exclusives- meaning they will not be listed here on my website but must be purchased through Salt&Soul.
Persist in joy, my friends.
